


if you carry on this way (it's better if i stay)

by sakura_freefall



Series: 'cause the hardest part of this was leaving you [3]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enjolras Is Bad At Feelings, Established Relationship, Eventual Fluff, Ghost!taire, Grief/Mourning, Healthy Communication, Jehan is a Good Friend, M/M, enjoltaire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28891305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakura_freefall/pseuds/sakura_freefall
Summary: "Yeah, but it's obvious who the world needs more," he spits. "Admit it, Enjolras, nobody really needed me.""I needed you!" Enjolras shouts. The people around him probably think he's going through a nasty phone breakup, but he gives absolutely zero shits. "I fucking need you!""Well good thing I'm still here then! Because I'm a fucking selfish coward who won't let you move on!" Enjolras flinches at the harsh words, feeling tears build like an ocean behind his eyes."That's enough."
Relationships: Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Montparnasse/Jean Prouvaire
Series: 'cause the hardest part of this was leaving you [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118507
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	if you carry on this way (it's better if i stay)

**Author's Note:**

> Woohoo, 2 fanfics in one day :)
> 
> Part 2 of 'cause the hardest part of this was leaving you
> 
> Enjoy!

_Enjolras, you need to go out._

Enjolras looks up from the book he's been reading to see Grantaire hovering above the coffee table.

"Not right now."

Grantaire squints a little, furrowing his brows. _Enjolras, you haven't left the flat since... since my funeral. You need to get some fresh air._

Enjolras sighs. "If you want me to get fresh air, I can open a window. And don't remind me that you're dead, okay?"

_Opening the window doesn't count. I only said fresh air because it's more polite than telling you to get your ass outside._

"Since when have you cared about being polite?"

_I don't. Excuse me for wanting to be nice to the guy I was dating._

Rolling his eyes, Enjolras leans forward, elbows on knees. "Grantaire."

_What?_

"We're still dating. If you want? I still love you. We've been over this, remember?" 

_Sure we are. I'm dead and I'm going to be 23 forever. You're going to get out, meet a nice guy, have a nice life, and forget about me._ Grantaire shifts resignedly on the table.

"I already told you, R. I'm not moving on and I'm not gonna date anyone else."

Grantaire stands up and walks- floats? over to the windowsill. _Now you're stalling. Get something fucking presentable on and we're going outside._

"Says you, the guy who's literally wearing a paint-stained hoodie and ripped jeans that aren't supposed to be ripped."

 _Look,_ Grantaire moans. _I didn't choose to get stuck wearing this fucking outfit, okay? And I can't change it, and nobody else can really see me anyways._

It's been four days since Grantaire appeared in his kitchen. And ever since then, Enjolras had stayed in the flat, drinking in every bit of Grantaire's presence. He'd be content to keep doing that, but in the back of his mind, he knows Grantaire's right. He does need to get out.

_You don't have to do anything social. Just like, take a walk in the park or something. Exercise._

Enjolras groans, letting his book slide to the floor. "Okay, fine. I'll take a fucking walk."

 _Good job,_ Grantaire deadpans. Enjolras quickly changes into a T-shirt and jeans, slipping on a pair of worn sneakers.

_Where's your jacket?_

"It's summertime." Enjolras knows Grantaire can't actually feel temperature, but he highly doubts that he's really forgotten what season it is. Then again, he still doesn't know how much R's memory got fucked up, so he can't really assume.

Enjolras pulls open the apartment door and steps into the hallway. "You coming?" On instinct, he whips his head behind him, still paranoid that someday R will just vanish without a trace.

_Yeah, I'm coming. For someone who doesn't want to do this, you're pretty enthusiastic._

"I'm doing it because it makes you happy. Also because you're going to hound me until I get out of the flat."

Grantaire frowns resignedly. _Doesn't matter whether or not I'm happy._

"Grantaire, can you stop? I just get you back and you're back to being full-on cynical."

 _Whatever, Enjolras._ Enjolras chews on his lip absently. He's worried about R, that's true. They need to talk.

The sun beats down on Enjolras, and if Grantaire were able to discern temperature, he'd be absolutely burning up in his hoodie. The pavement just makes it even more sweltering, the afternoon sun a rich gold. He makes his way down the city blocks until he comes to Central Park, the grassy space a respite from the bustling city.

 _I used to come here to paint, you know._ He sounds almost wistful, and Enjolras can't blame him. _I'd buy hot dogs from one of the vendors and just spend the entire afternoon practicing landscape._

"Wow."

_Jehan told me that some local museum is doing an exhibition of my art. Apparently everyone's more interested in it now that I'm dead._

"You're going to make me go to it, aren't you? To be clear, I actually want to see it even though I've seen most of the pieces already."

_They're probably gonna make a huge fuss because you were my boyfriend. Maybe they'll make you do a speech or something._

"I doubt it. I don't think the art galleries want to get a half-hour of ranting about the corruption in the Republican party."

_Enjolras, you have the ability to make that crap interesting, something I don't think anyone else can do._

Enjolras snorts. "You think so. The civics teacher at the university sure didn't."

They walk in silence for a few moments. Enjolras isn't usually one for the outdoors, but even he will admit that there's something about being surrounded by nature that makes him feel a little better.

_Do you think people wonder why you're talking to thin air?_

Enjolras thinks about that but ultimately decides against it. "No, this is New York City. I met a lady once who pushes around a grocery car full of rocks everywhere. She says she likes the noise."

_Some of my artist friends would do weird shit like that. To be fair, they were usually high. Hey, is that Jehan?_

Enjolras turns around to find that Jehan is indeed approaching them, wearing a brightly colored tie-dye scarf and a floral-printed crop top. They're something of an anomaly even with the strange fashions the city occasionally goes through. "Hey, Enjolras. Hi, R."

 _Jehan!_ R calls. _How's Montparnasse?_

"He's doing well. In fact-"

"Who's Montparnasse?" Enjolras inquires. He's never heard of anyone by that name before.

"My boyfriend," Jehan says, blushing.

 _He's from the 19th century,_ Grantaire interjects. Enjolras takes a step back. 

"What?!"

"It's complicated. Don't ask. Don't send me to a mental hospital."

"I don't think there's much danger of that, Jehan," Enjolras replies, gesturing to Grantaire, who's hovering high enough that his feet are level with Enjolras's head.

"Yeah, you're right," they say. "How have you been holding up? It's nice to see you out and about again."

"I'm only here because Grantaire made me," Enjolras pouts, fully aware that he sounds like a temperamental preschooler.

Jehan sits down on a park bench and pats the spot next to them, inviting Enjolras to join them. "Enjolras, I need to ask you something. And I need you to answer honestly."

A little taken aback, Enjolras replies. "Go ahead."

"Do you blame yourself?"

"For what?" Enjolras asks, dodging the question.

"You know. For what happened at the party."

"A little," he admits. "Okay, fine. I do. And that's not your business."

"Enjolras, you need to understand. What happened at that party was not your fault."

"I _know_ that, Jehan, but that doesn't change the fact that I- I wasn't there for him. And now he's dead! Because some fucking asshole with a gun decided to start a fucking fight!"

 _Enjolras, calm down,_ Grantaire breathes, rubbing Enjolras's back in a comforting fashion. _Please don't do this to yourself._

Enjolras takes a moment to appreciate how utterly backwards the situation is. The dead man trying to save the survivor. 

"It should've been me."

Grantaire stiffens. _Enjolras, shut your mouth right now. You're talking bullshit. Absolutely it should not have been you. You're- I don't know what I'd do without you! You can't die. I won't permit it._

"I don't know what I'd do without you either! This isn't a one way thing!"

 _Yeah, but it's obvious who the world needs more,_ he spits. _Admit it, Enjolras, nobody really needed me._

"I needed you!" Enjolras shouts. The people around him probably think he's going through a nasty phone breakup, but he gives absolutely zero shits. "I fucking need you!"

 _Well good thing I'm still here then! Because I'm a fucking selfish coward who won't let you move on!_ Enjolras flinches at the harsh words, feeling tears build like an ocean behind his eyes.

Jehan glares at both of them. "That's enough," they say. "Enjolras, stop blaming yourself for what happened. Grantaire, you are not a selfish coward and Enjolras really does want to stay with you."

_I just- I-_

"Grantaire. I love you. I will love you for my entire life and after that too, if you'll have me. I fucking love you, and I don't care if you're a fucking ghost who's always going to look twenty-three because that doesn't fucking matter! What matters is that you're _you._ And I'm always going to love you because of that. Try and fucking stop me, because you can't." Enjolras's cheeks are flushed and his head is burning with emotion, and he's not good at this because he always gets too aggressive but he has to try.

 _I- I love you too, Apollo._ Grantaire's voice shakes with sobs as he drifts against Enjolras's chest. _I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you. And it's gonna be hard and it's gonna be a long, long way, but I love you too and I want to stay with you, and if that makes me selfish, then fine._

"You can stay with me as long as you want," Enjolras assures him. Jehan nods in affirmation. 

_What if I want to stay with you forever?_ Grantaire questions.

Enjolras brushes his lips with Grantaire's. "Then you can do just that."


End file.
